Because all black people look the same ...

... To studio execs.

The Hollywood Reporter, er, reports, that Don Cheadle has signed up to replace Terrence Howard as Jim Rhodes (War Machine) in the sequel to this summer's blockbuster comic adaptation, Iron Man.

Listen, everyone loves Don Cheadle, but did Marvel execs really feel Terrence Howard was expendable? Sure Cheadle has an Oscar and Howard's only been nominated, but you can't exactly replace Cate Blanchett with Ellen Page just because they're both white chicks. Howard had the right look and the right attitude, and most importantly he was great in Iron Man. We're not exactly talking Katie Holmes here.

Rumors suggest "financial differences" were the main reason behind the casting change -- amongst other unidentified issues. Which would be what exactly? They didn't feel like paying a black actor enough to keep him around? They're shelling out for Gwyneth Paltrow, and the only thing she's done lately is pop out a few Coldplay kids.

Besides, considering how much this sequel is sure to make, there's no reason to be stingy.

Terrence Howard is more than capable of carrying a big studio film. He's handsome, well-built, and though he has a bitchy reputation (who in hollywood doesn't?), he has the personality to pull off a super hero. Does Don Cheadle?

Hopefully more details will come out about this completely unnecessary change up. Until then we're waiting for answers -- and hope you will too. Nance on......

Let Me Tell You About My Mother

Okay, writers of the heartwrenching and majestic Eagle Eye: you have our attention. And we all want to decapitate you. Happy now?


For those of you who haven't heard the news, according to Slashfilm spies who attended a G&A hosted by Creative Screenwriting (which my inbox says was on the 25th) two of the film's douchebag writers, Travis Wright and John Glenn, the same douches who're currently rewriting The Warriors, have been putting together a Blade Runner sequel for the past couple years.

Excuse me?

YES, they said BLADE RUNNER. SEQUEL. TO BLADE RUNNER. Luckily they're shit writers (obviously) so the likelyhood that this might get made is small. But I saw dollar signs in the eyes of the WB execs I told last November that I'd seen the Final Cut in theaters three times in one week. Regardless though ...

WHAT THE FUCK?

Does Leon have to bust a cap in these guys? Because I'll dig up Brion James and reanimate him just to do so. Hell, I'd take one for the team and do it myself. Since they're no doubt familiar with The Warriors by this point -- at least we'd hope -- they should know that they've basically killed Cyrus in this town, so they better watch their backs if they actually plan to pitch this thing around town.


The worst part about the proposed film and the pretentious c**twaffles behind it is that, unlike Spaceablanca this project is DEAD SERIOUS. These assholes actually think that they can make a SEQUEL to BR and HAVE IT NOT SUCK.

Well let's see. Besides creativity and class, these guys seem to be lacking:

- Rutger Hauer
- Harrison Ford
- Ridley Scott
- David Peoples (who wrote Unforgiven)
- A NOVEL BY PHILIP K DICK

But I'm sure they can, you know, cast Shia LaBeouf and Michael Chiklis as Blade Runners who, I dunno, fuck some chicks and compete to take out the same score. What's another paycheck, right? Nance on......

Joss Whedon Loses Mojo

That sexist bastard is leaving all teh fangirls with blueballs.

Okay fangirls, I guess the streets are safe once more, as it seems Mr. Whedon has lost his nerd mojo and shut down production of Dollhouse due to poor writing quality. What's in the water in LA these days, guys? We're not exactly sure how one starts filming before realizing your show sucks, but at least this gives him some time to "fix" the problem and deliver a great new show ... right? Nance on......

Watchmen Posters!

IMP AWARDS brings us a few Watchmen posters, delightfully done in the style of the original comic. A+ so far for this marketing campaign, which makes us truly believe this adaptation might actually be okay.

I just hope that we're right this time.






Nance on......

Jack Bauer Power Hour Delayed Again

Okay, so by now it's common knowledge that production on Season 6 of 24 has been shut down for two weeks due to problems with the "direction" of the season. So apparently they "found a new one" and decided to spend some time working on it. I guess a year wasn't enough time for them to pull their shit together?

Either way, it's also official that Elisha Cuthbert (Kim Bauer) is returning to the show, WITH A KID. How this could possibly "help" the direction of the show is beyond us, but we do have a couple of suggestions that might make this season a little more interesting.


1) If Kim's babydaddy is going to be anyone we've seen (aka please God not Chase), it'd better be Ryan Chappelle. I mean come on, we all know how Chappelle feels about babies in the office.

2) Kill off Audrey and bring back Kate Warner. No one likes Audrey anyway, and 24 hasn't had a woman with balls since Michelle kicked the bucket.

3) If we're bringing back relations, what about Chappelle's brother? (Or secret twin? Are you sensing a pattern yet?)

4) Speaking of brothers, Wayne has outstayed his welcome. It was a cool idea, but few people can match Dennis Haysbert's charisma.

5) Enough with the Serbia/Drayson/Phantoms from the past plotlines. Enough. Kay? Time to start fresh. And don't try any of that Departed stealing micro-processors shit either.

6) No more moles in CTU/whatever agency it's become.

7) Let's take a break from the Middle Eastern baddies, and whatever they triend and failed with China. Why not an African villain? Or a flamboyant Greek shipping heir? Or Paris Hilton?

8) Chloe needs to fire more machine guns.

9) Each season has a handful of weepy martyr deaths. But the audiences becomes less emotional and more pissed off when FIVE people go down in one season. SO hey, let's pick one and stick with them, okay? Especially if they're Kim.

10) DON'T MAKE TONY THE VILLAIN.

Nance on......

WB throws you some scraps

Despite the constant removal of any plot nearing to decency in the Harry Potter adaptations (aka anything having to do with the adults, the past, the canon, or other aspects of the franchise that can't be made into plush toys), it seems as if, according to an interview with Alec Hopkins, there will be an actual scene including Young Snape in HBP. Too good to be true? Probably.

Nance on......

Milk Trailer

The trailer for Gus Van Sant's new film "Milk" has just arrived on Youtube, and in case it gets taken down, watch it now!

For those of you who know nothing, Harvey Milk (played by Sean Penn, in a striking resemblance) was the first openly gay politician elected to public office when he joined the Board of Supervisors of San Fancisco in 1977. He was a good dude, even though he was strongly supported by and a big supporter of the People's Temple (Boo). Spoiler for history: Milk was assassinated in 1978 by his former co-Board member Dan White (Josh Brolin), who also murdered the city mayor George Moscone, just nine days after the Jonestown massacre in Guyana. Pretty heavy stuff.

It looks great, just like Zodiac. The cinematography (by the DP who did Zodiac and American Gangster), dress, and production design look very natural, and not overzealous.

Nance on......

Two from Cracked: Fic & Feminism

Though we at Nancing Pony are skeptical that those writing for Cracked have really delved deep into the no man's land of fanfiction, they have come up with a cute list of 5 Baffling Fanfiction Sex Scenes. Though it doesn't include old-time favorites like Luke Skywalker/Simba, there's certainly snark to be had.

They've also put together a good list of Hollywood's 5 Saddenst Attempts at Feminism. We heartily agree with them all, and could heap a few more on the pile. Nance on......